I know I have kinda put my devotional blog on the back burner. I have had some life things get on the front burner. So many people are asking about my health, and what is going on that I have decided to write a blog so that people can understand. It is a long story! So go grab a snack and a drink and maybe a tissue or two.
On September 7, 2012 we were taking our youth group to Night of Joy. We were on the fairy going over to the park around 6 o'clock and i started to feel like I was going to pass out. Well I did pass out. I took a trip in an ambulance and to the ER I went. I was sent home as they could not find anything wrong with me.. I kinda thought it happened because I hadn't eaten since breakfast.
For the next several weeks every two to three days, I would feel like I was going to pass out and I would start to black out. I was thinking this really isn't normal (obviously). So I made an appointment with my primary care doctor., and asked him if I was anemic. He said my finger nails had to much color and I was fine.
I went on like this for a while like this, and then one day I had a horrible headache for about 7 days. I went to the ER again, and they gave me meds for the migraine. However, they did not know why i was passing out.
My father-in-law (Rand) that lives in Tampa sent me to see a neurologist for the headaches. She ran some lab work, and found out that I was severely anemic. Rand called me and said well you are my patient now. (he is a hematologist Oncologist in tampa).
The search started to see why I was so anemic.
Some test results pointed to me being B-12 deficient. So I started getting shots for that. The shots weren't working, so at one point words like leukemia were being put out there. Thank the Lord that I do not have leukemia.
I have been getting blood transfusions every 2 to 3 weeks since October.
So on went the search of what was wrong with me. It was a couple weeks before Christmas and Rand told me he thought I may have MDS. He set me up with the President and CEO of Moffitt whose specialty is MDS. (thank the Lord for him and his connections) I am told this Dr is like number one in the country for treating MDS. Rand got me an appointment the day after Christmas.
Eric, Rand and I went to see this Doctor, and I was given another bone marrow test (i have had two) to confirm what I have is MDS. The three of us went back on last Wednesday to get the results. He confirmed that I do indeed have MDS. There are several types of MDS. There is a really bad kind where it kills you with in two years or so. I DO NOT have that kind. Praise the Lord. They believe I have an autoimmune form. The treatment for that is to be injected with horse antibody serum for 5 days in the hospital. Then I will be on some steroids and immuno supressants for a time. They wont know for 6 months if it worked or not. However if it works it will put the MDS into remission. If it does not work I will need a bone marrow transplant. We have the treatment scheduled and all my doctors believe I should respond to the treatment.
I have had so many people ask me how I am doing through out this whole ordeal. I have to say there have been days I was scared to death. I was not scared because I am afraid of death. I am not afraid. I KNOW where I will go when I leave this earth. I will see my Jesus face to face. I was just scared because I want to raise my children. I want to grow old with my husband. So for a time in this process my mind was always going to the scared zone.
I decided early on I could not live that way. I had to get my strength from the Lord. I could not get the strength from within myself. Strength when it is through HIM is so powerful. I am not saying I didnt have bad days. BECAUSE I DID..
I had 3 really bad days. On one of those days i was down and teary and a lady at our church Jessica Bert gave me a pep talk and reminded me who I am in the Lord and not to be afraid.
On another bad day Eric came home from work and held me and let me cry and prayed with me. He helped pray me into my peace. After then i felt like I was in a bubble.. I felt like I wasnt scared and nothing could shake me.. Then a few weeks later I started googling things and well I lost my peace. I was crying and I called Eric however I was unable to get ahold of him.
So my next call was to my mom. Actually I texted her. I was crying so hard that I could not call. My mom and my dad came over and prayed for me. They cried with me. My mom just held me like a mother holds their babies no matter the age. They prayed over me for a long time, and then after that I have had peace again. I have kept that peace so far ever sense. I have also decided I will not google anything else.
The Lord has been my rock through this whole thing. He has been my strength when I am weak. I am still weak!! However because of him, I feel the strongest I have ever felt. I know that He is with me walking me through this fire. He won't leave me now.
I know what the facts are. The facts are I have MDS. However the truth is my God is greater then the facts. He holds my future in His hands. He has come to give me a hope and a FUTURE! He has come to give life more abundantly.
I know this journey is not over, and that is OK. I also know that if God is for us who or what can stand against us?
I am so blessed!! I have an amazing husband who loves me. He prays for me constantly. My husband would do anything, and take me anywhere to get treatment. He entourages me and reassures me. He gives me security. AND HEALTH INSURANCE :)
I have children that help me live in the moment and enjoy life and make me laugh or smile when i really need it!
I have parents that pray for me constantly. They will and are doing anything and everything to help me. With this condition I am weak and tired a lot of the time. My mom is working from my house more so that she can take care of Maddie and Abby when I have no energy for it. She cleans my house and takes care of things.
I have incredible in-laws here in Tampa. Rand has taken care of making sure my medical problems are being taken care of. Karen hired a nanny for me for a time so I could get some rest. They pray for me, and let us know they are there and will do whatever they have to. They have treated me not as a daughter-in-law through this process but as a daughter.
I have in-laws in Texas that call and check on me and pray for us constantly. Prayer is so important and I thank you! Without prayer I don't want to know where I would be.
My cousin Jen and Aunt Pam, Andrew, Jodie and Grandma Judy are always checking on me and praying for me.
Ellen is always helping and encouraging me. She helps with my kids and loves them like her own.
Shakira helped with my kids while she was home from college and let me rest.
Kendra is always praying for me always, and offered me her bone marrow if I need it. She's also helping me with a small group I run at church.
I have had so many people at church offer me their bone marrow if I needed it. You are all so kinda and I love you. My church family has been so awesome praying for me without ceasing. I think with them all combined I have been put on every prayer list in the country. The Body of Christ awes me.
I do not know why all this is happening. However I do know that the LORD WILL put this together for MY GOOD.. I know He is FAITHFUL!! I know He loves me! I know HE will NEVER leave me, nor forsake me! I know I have His favor. I know I am blessed. I know He will walk with me throughout this journey. I know that when I am WEAK He is STRONG. I know that there is JOY in Him strength. I know there is PEACE that passes ALL understanding in HIS strength.
I have also found that just because I have had some scared times that doesn't mean that I am faithless. It doesn't meant that i do not trust in the Lord. It means I am understanding the gravity of the situation to make his peace all that more special and priceless. I know that the Lord is my healer. I don't know if He will heal me supernaturally or through the wonderful medicines that He has helped guide some incredible people to find. Either way HE IS MY HEALER. HE WILL SEE ME THROUGH!
No matter what you are going through LET HIM BE YOUR STRENGTH!
I am Blessed!
