I remember sitting in my ER room and having my husband by my side. Having him there was comforting in itself. How naive we were to what that next year would hold. I remember us sitting in that room and now I think wow we were kids. This past year made us grown up a lot.
I am trying to think if I could tell myself some things in that moment to help prepare me for what was to come what would I say. I am not sure what if anything would prepare me.
What could I say? Everything you have ever been taught and everything you believe will be tested and shaken to the core. So dramatic! So true! If I could have told myself I would never have believed it anyways.
Maybe something like... Don't worry.. When no one has answers God holds all answers... no thats not it.. kinda doesnt hit the spot. you know?
I think I would just say "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will not fear for YOU are with me'.
Yep thats what I would say...
I am not sure if I have mentioned this verse or what it now means to me in my blog. I am too lazy to go back and read them to find out. So just go with it...
I can not tell you the amount of tears I have cried over the last year. So much fear I have had over the last year about death. Worried about being there for my husband, children, parents, and family..
I had so many fears I wrote about all that in a Blog earlier this year. if you want you can go back and read it.. It is titled When we are Weak..
This blog isnt going to focus on specific fear. Let's just say my fear was endless and I was swallowed whole in it.
I came to a point where I didnt want my fear to be in the drivers seat anymore. My mind was the devils playground and I was tired of it.. I also didnt know how to fight it.. Jessica Bert told me start to your mind back.. She said at first it may be minute by minute.. Every time you have those worries and thoughts Start to say what scripture says about this.. Start to thank the Lord your healing is on it's way. She said the minutes will turn into hours then days.. and then at some point your mind will be renewed.
She was so right! So I started that process ... i dont know how long it took but it took some time... Because I was lucky to go a minute in the beginning.
I was thinking one day about scripture. I have heard the Lord's prayer so much growing up. As I got older any time I would come to that scripture I would skip it.. After all I read it a million times.. no joke o-n-e m-i-l-l-i-o-n times. ok maybe not one million but you get the drift..
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil..
Do you remember as a child when you would walk outside when the sun was up.. You would see your shadow.. and sometimes you could make your shadow gigantic.
OK so this passage took on new meaning to me.. It took on new LIFE.. It was as if the Lord wrote that scripture I had read one million times and then skipped over for years just for ME!! My eyes were opened..
Shadow of death.. Death is just a shadow for those that know Jesus... Death it looks scary it sounds scary everything about it is scary... BUT it is just a shadow!! Because I know Jesus and He first loved me! We dont have to be scared of Death.. Even at (then) 31 years old. (now 32 for those counting) Even someone young and wanting to raise her family..
I will tell you why it is just a stupid shadow..
One because my Jesus can heal any infirmity that comes my way.. He can heal me up and made me new because by His stripes I am healed. The Lord could have healed me supernaturally. He chose to make me well through medicine. I am thankful for his mercy and grace and healing power. I dont count myself any less healed because it came though medicine. I count myself blessed and Highly favored.
and number two.. Even if all this stops working tomorrow and I go home to be with the Lord. guess what DEATH IS STILL A SHADOW. When I close my eyes in this world I will open my eyes in the presence of Jesus. When that day comes I will see Him face to face!! Death was not just a shadow for me it was a LIE... No one knows the day or time we will meet the Lord face to face.. I have to have faith that no matter the time He will take care of everyone I love here on earth.. I have to believe that the Word of God does not return void.. Just like that old tired over used (i thought) scripture about death and shadows.. I had new revelation in my time of need for it.. I have to believe the same is true for my family and children.
I am still praying and believing I will be on this earth for a long time to come. I believe He isnt done with me yet..
This has made me want to see the Power of the Lord alive in His people.. Alive in His church..
I remember when i was growing up sometimes it was hard for me to go up to the alter at church for prayer.. What will people think.. They may think i am in deep dark sin if i keep going up.. Not any more.. I go up now at the drop of a hat.. Oh me me me pray for me.. Oh here i am here I am ..
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death i will fear no evil ... the best part people.. We dont have to fear... because HE is with me!!
So you see even if I could have told myself something that verse would not have done anything for me.. Because you see I had heard it all before... However I hadnt lived it yet..
I am so blessed to have had the most amazing Husband, children, parents, inlaws, family(church and blood included) and friends ever! Your prayer love and encouragement have helped me handle all of this..
