Hold on

PS 69-13
¹ Save me, O God,
    for the waters have come up to my neck.
² I sink in the miry depths,
    where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
    the floods engulf me.
³ I am worn out calling for help;
    my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
    looking for my God.

Psalm is a very special book in the bible..  It is like a diary.  It is honest.  It has emotion.  It is like the reality tv show of the Bible.

This book is so honest with the Lord.  I am not sure why we many times feel we have to hide our emotions and fears from the Lord.  He is our Father and He wants us to be honest with him about what we feel and think.  

The verses above sound like pretty horrible circumstances.  It sounds like he felt he was going to die.  He has been screaming and crying for help.  He keeps searching for the Lord but can not see Him.

I know I have been there in life.  

You feel like you are going to suffocate under the pressure of a current situation.  

Sometimes our eyes FAIL us..  We look and look and look for the Lord and can not see Him.  

However as Christ followers we can not always go one what we SEE or FEEL.  This is why knowing the word is so important, because when our our eyes fail us we go based on what we KNOW.  

I love after you get "through" something. Then you can turn around and look and see how the Lord was right there the whole time guiding you and standing with you.  So many people give up and dont try and make it through.  They never really see the Lord finish what He started because as humans we give up right before the Promise is fulfilled. 

We have to train ourselves to focus on Him through all of life's circumstances.  We also have to talk to him through all of our emotions.. He can handle it!   

Lord help my focus be on you and what is true throughout anything that comes my way.  Tune my ears to hear your voice the loudest and not my fear.

Valentines Day...

I would like to start off my talking about one particular Valentines day I gave my husband a hard time..  

You see we have birthdays and christmas and our anniversary so close together we don't do much for V day.  However (I think it was our second married Vday together) Eric was asking what I wanted for Vday.  I said just send me flowers.  I really want flowers.  He said ok... Well V day came and no flowers.. I was so upset and gave him a hard time.  He even went to the store and got steak and lobster to make dinner but I was stuck on the fact he didnt bring me flowers... He went back to the store and got me flowers.. He tried to make it better... I remember really giving him a hard time..

Well I didnt tell you this story to get onto Eric.. I am telling you this because it all seems soo silly to me now.  I am  married to a wonderful man.  He loves me so much and would do anything for me.  As you all know this past year has been difficult for us (my health).  Eric has been there for me every step of the way.. He has held me and walked through this fire with me.  When he said in sickness and health he wasnt kidding.  

So yes it is Valentines day and he now knows to get me flowers on Vday.  It isnt about today.  He shows me all the time how much he loves me and how much he is committed to me.  I am so blessed to have a husband that loves me everyday not just valentines day.. 

I would like to say I am so sorry for giving you a hard time that one Vday a few years ago.. You honor and love me every day.  I would rather what we have then all the flowers there are on Vday.

I love you! I am so blessed by you!

Abby, Maddie and I love our flowers!

Treatment...

I wanted to post a blog update on how my treatment went.   If you are wondering what I had treatment for please refer to this blog when we are weak He is strong.  That will bring you up to speed.

I went in for treatment for MDS on Feb 5th.  I was in the hospital at Moffitt for daily doses of Horse serum.  This treatment was referred to as chemo several times during my stay.  However it isnt as bad a chemo it is just in the same family.  

Eric and I went to Moffitt on the 5th.  They took my labs first thing to make sure i was healthy enough for the treatment.  My Hemoglobin was 11.6 and my platelets were normal.. We don't even know the last time my labs looked so good!  I then went and got a picc line and later that night admitted to the hospital to start my test dose of horse serum (ATG).  

This treatment can have some HORRIBLE side effects.  The doctors told me I would have bad chill,s  joint ache, fever, and hives.  They said a lot of people can not have this treatment without being sedated most of the time.  

I took my test dose and had no reaction.  They also give lots of steroids with this treatment.  

On Feb 6th they began the first full dose of the treatment. It took 4 hours to infuse me.  A few hours in some doctors came to see me and said well you are doing well, but you will be really sick later tonight.  After the third hour of the treatment, Eric and I were wondering if I will have any side effects.  I began to get hives, and they gave me meds for that.  I had hives on and off for 3 or so days.   I NEVER got any of the bad side effects.  No flu sickness.  What a huge miracle.  My doctors and nurses were amazed..

I completed the treatment with flying colors.  My hemoglobin levels when I left moffitt on Saturday were 10.3.  I just had them taken again on Monday and they were 11.5.   They went up on their own...

God is so good, and He is so faithful.  We still dont know if the treatment worked and wont know for 6 months.  However everything is looking great.

I am on sooo much medication.  I am on steroids, immunosuppresive drugs, insulin, and a few more.

I am starving all the time.. my arms hurt a bit from some meds.. However I am blessed and highly favored.  I feel great.  

I have had so many people praying for me!  I can not begin to thank everyone!  Please know I feel your love and am so appreciative of you helping me carry my burden and make it yours.  The body of Christ is an army and I am in awe of the people of God.  I have felt like I have been in a bubble during most of this journey so far.  I know that is because of all of you praying for me.. Please DONT stop!  I still need it!  

My family is my heart and I could not have made it through this without their Love support prayers and just taking care of everything.  I have the best family in the world.

Abby turned 5 during all this... I can not believe she is 5... She seems so much older since she turned 5.. I cant describe it.. 

It is so good to be home and with my family...