One of those things he wished he had known when He was younger was Out of brokenness comes wholeness. I was thinking about this. It is so true! How many times in our lives do we feel completely broken.
This past year has been very difficult. It has probably been the hardest year I have ever had to face in my 32 years of life. If you dont know about this past year you can read about it here if you like When we are weak He is strong. There is also a continuation here Treatment.
This past year when I was sick we had no idea early on what was wrong with me. We had no idea why I was sick we just knew I was sick. When we dont have answers that can be terrifying. Later on we got to know some possibilities of what was wrong me me. AGAIN TERRIFYING. Finally with the Lords help and some awesome family members that did everything they could do to find answers WE HAD AN ANSWER. AGAIN STILL TERRIFYING.
This whole process broke me to the core. I felt like I was shattered into a million little pieces. I had a problem for a while giving my fears to the Lord. I held on to my fear. I was swallowed whole with my fear. I was fearful of the future. I was fearful of the present because I was physically not able to do the things for my family that they needed.
I WAS BROKEN.
I kept my faith in the Lord. I loved the Lord. I kept going in Him even when I didnt feel like it. He was all I had keeping me going. Slowly in that process piece by piece He put all my broken pieces back together.
This was like a refiners fire process. The Lord used the trial I was going through to Purify me. He took all may itty bitty brokenness and made it into something beautiful. I have faith in the Lord like never before. I give my fears to the Lord like never before. I depend on Him for everything. This process has brought me closer to the Lord. I know the Lord in a way I would never have known Him had I not gone through this process.
I do not believe the Lord did this. However I know He used it and made it for my GOOD.
No matter where you are in the process. You may be sitting by your pieces crying because you think there is no way you can be whole again. Cry out to the Lord tell Him everything. (he knows it all anyways) Trust in HIM He will put you back together. He will put you back stronger then you were before. One day you will look at yourself and say oh wow I am WHOLE. Jesus You DO MAKE BEAUTIFUL THINGS OUT OF DUST!
So, was what we went through hard and painful and ugly!? YES it was all of those things.. However, it was also wonderful priceless and beautiful!! I wouldnt trade where it has taken me for anything.
I know some people think we (christians) just use God as a crutch. In a way they are right. However it is biblical. WHEN WE ARE WEAK HE IS STRONG! That is how after we go through the things life brings we are stronger. If we go through it right and lean on Him we will be stronger then ever! I love the Lord now more then ever. I love my husband, kids and family more then ever. Did I lean on the Lord to get me through it? YES and I am so thankful I did! He has taken my broken ugliness and made me WHOLE.
I have gone 4 months without a Blood transfusion! My blood count was 12.2 last week 12.2!!! I am officially normal. I truly never knew if i would ever see that day.
I am still going through treatment. Work or not. Live or Die. HE HOLDS MY FUTURE. He has been and will be there no matter what I face. No one knows the time they will live or die. I do know that every step I take I want it with the Lord and when I take my last breath I want it in Him. Whenever that is.
I am so thankful I am now healthy and well! I am so thankful for more time! I love my Father Jesus. He has helped us through so much! He has helped make my brokenness wholeness. He will help no matter what comes our way. I have the Lord and my family and my church on my side. Yes I was broken. Now I am whole. It isnt the getting better (physically) part that made me whole. I am whole regardless of circumstances, because He has made me whole.
I am sure there will be other times in my life I feel broken. He that began the good work in you is faithful to completion.
OUT OF BROKENNESS COMES WHOLENESS!!!
