Dieting.. I mean changing the way I eat

Well this has been a great/hard week...  I have been wanting to get my pre Abby body back for a while now.. But didnt really want to do the "work" I needed to do for it..  (i am already at my pre maddie weight)..

I have a gym membership.. I started going back with Maddie was 6 months old.  However it became one reason after another why I couldnt go.. Family or friends visiting.  One kid was sick then I was sick then another kid was sick.. then another one sick.. IT was a cycle...  Then I just got out of the Habit..

I am Porshia Gillium's Maid of Honor in July.. I went to get sized and order my dress.   I decided to order the dress a size to small.. I asked the lady how much I needed to shed to fit in the next size.. She said 8 to 10. I figured that would make me get motivated to shed some pounds..  Boy did it.. I have been in the gym non stop and watching what I eat better then I have in Years.  I have to say it feels great most of the time..

My Daily activity has been wake up...
Take Abby to school..
Go to Gym..
20-35 mins on the elliptical
20-35 mins on the tread mill
20-35 mins of weights and sit ups...

sometimes after dinner i walk another 30 mins...

I am also only eating 1200 calories a day..  
TOmorrow is my cheat day so I will have 1600 calories tomorrow..

I have already lost 4.5 lbs...  So almost to that size i need to be for the dress I ordered.. I am hoping to go a little father so I am hoping they have to take the dress in some... thats my goal...


WHy am i sharking all this on my blog?  Hmmm not sure... but I am ...
And before anyone says that isnt enough calories.. I have looked it up and read about it I am in the safe zone...

OUR STORY

Ok so this is a longerish post so sorry ahead of time...


Wow it has been 5 years.  I can't believe it..  Five years since Eric and I said "I do". I thought since it was our anniversary I would post a blog about "our story".  Granted this is just my side of "our story", but my husband doesnt have a blog so my side is all you get..  He has told his version from the pulpit at times.  Now I finally get my side out there haha...

Eric and I kinda met on my 25th birthday.  I met my friend Shauna for dinner at Chilies and she was eating with friends and I joined them.  Eric never talked to me once and I didnt talk to him either.  Fast Fwd a few months later...

I went to Chillies with a bunch of people from a bible study I was attending.. Most of the people I didnt know.  There was probably a table of 20- 30 people.  We were all there for a while.. My back was to the walkway.  I was talking with someone (dont remember who) when I felt a presence come in the room.  I turned around and looked and saw Eric.  I felt like I heard the Lord tell me (in a still small voice) that "there is the man I have for you. He is the one you will marry".  I thought wow I am really losing it..  Then I saw he sat at our table.  So I asked Shauna who he was.. She said oh that is Eric isnt he cute...?? I said yes he is.. and we never really talked about it again.. I remember thinking man Jess you are becoming flaky.

I had heard of people saying they heard the Lord tell them things like that, and I always thought ya right.. I didnt really believed it happened that way.  Then On Sunday after church Shauna and I met people for lunch and we got their last.. There were two sets open. Once was next to Eric.. I sat there and thought ok I know I am wrong about what I heard but I will talk to him and see..  Well I tried to talk to Eric and He basically Ignored me.  Would not look at me when he talked only the TV. Then I started talked about the show 24 and he really liked the show so he started to engage a little in conversation but still kinda rude..    24 was about to have its season opener, and everyone at the table started talking about it.. So I invited everyone to my house to watch it.. Hoping Eric would come of course.  He didnt however about 30 other people came. haha

I left that lunch thinking wow I really missed it... Lord he is rude and a jerk and wont even talk to me.. When I was at Lee I didnt approach a guy..  They always approached me.  and usually they were really nice and talkative..  So I just thought wow he is a jerk haha...   Well I later found out he was kinda in a relationship.  (something I did not know) So in the back of my mind I thought well at least I know he is loyal to who he is seeing..

Well a few months go by and I started seeing someone and didnt really give Eric much of a thought after that.  I thought well I missed it for sure and the Lord didnt tell me anything...

The relationship I was in ended and I was at dinner with a friend.  She had mentioned Eric.  In that conversation it came up that he was no longer in a relationship either..   I remember feeling excited.  I thought to myself again wow Jess stop it.  You didnt hear from the Lord.. He isnt the one for you and you arent going to marry him..

The very next day I was on myspace.  Remember my space?  Well I was on my friends myspace leaving a wall post and saw a top friend.. It was Eric..  I wasnt sure if I should friend request him.. WE had only met 3 times, and he was rude to me every time...

In the end I did friend request him.  We then started talking on IM..  While we were talking he said you know I should have come to watch 24 that one night because I have missed the whole season.. Then I said well my aunt has them all saved if you want to catch up I am sure she will let us use her house.  (thanks aunt pam) I went to my aunts house a few mins early and she was so nice she had drinks on the table and snacks and then Left.  She left and I thought wow this is so nice of her but the spread on the table is a little much.  I was starting to put it all away when the door bell rang.  He was early so I couldnt put it up... Oh well..

We watched some 24 and had Pizza that night and great conversation.  I thought well he isnt a jerk anymore. lol.

We met a few times a week to watch 24 (my poor aunt) and then one night he took out to dinner.  It was the best 1st date I have ever been on..  We had watched all there was to watch of 24 and we had been going on to eat most nights for a break.  All these nights felt like dates however I still felt like oh man 24 is almost over we wont have a "reason" to see each other anymore.. However on the last night of 24 Eric made plans to do something the next night or two..  From there we were inseparable..

We were together a lot. We saw each other for about a month a few times a week. Then we made it official. haha We Dated for 5 months.  We had alot of fun dating.  However we didnt date long..  We decided when you know you know so why wait.  He asked me to marry him in September and I said Yes...as if you didnt know.. When we were engaged We were talking about how we knew we were the ones for each other.. I told the story about how he walked in Chilies blah blah.. However I have to admit I doubted it more then a time or two before we started dating (never after).

He shared a time months before we met.  He was praying and telling the Lord he needed a wife.  He said he felt like the Lord just said a name to him.  He said the Lord just said to him Jessica... He thought that was weird... but then the Lord gave him another name  Thomas..  I said why didnt you tell me this before.. He said in case I was wrong...  I Love how the Lord spoke to us both at different times before we were even together..

How did my parents do with this you ask... Well My mom was very excited.  I had a part at her house one night and she came in and saw eric and I sitting and talking and later told me Jessica I saw you two and I just believe you were made for each other.  
My dad well .. you know that saying you worry about her meeting the wrong guy and then you worry about her meeting the right guy..  It was a little of that.. He was scared of losing his daughter.. He did however confess to me at the time he believed he was the right one.  My parents couldnt love Eric anymore if he was their own son. Eric loves them as well..

We were looking for wedding dates.  We didnt want a long engagement we wanted to get married pretty soon..  I wanted to get married in February.  I wanted to get married on Valentines day weekend.  or at least in that month.. The Reception hall had that date open however the flowers were double the price in the month February because of the holiday..  I also wanted red roses and those were the highest priced for the month.. This lead me to go back to the reception hall and see what dates they had open.
Well they had Jan 20th open and a day in Mid march open... So I went to dinner that night with Eric and  told Eric the options.  I let him know Feb was out and here are the choices what do you want to do.. He didnt hesitate he said well then Jan 20th.. I said really?  He said yes why wait till march lets just do it in Jan.. If that is the date they have then let's do that.. After making sure it was also a good time for his family we decided Jan 20th was our wedding date..

My mom and I planned a wedding in 4 months.  It was a little more then a year after we kinda sorta met for the first time.  It was 8 or 9 months From our first episode of 24 we watched together.

PLanning our wedding was easy ( i saw that because mom did most of it).  I have heard that this can be a stressful time in a couples life.. many arguments can arise.  We didnt have one.. We never argue.. Never really did then and dont really do it now.

Our wedding day came and it was perfect!  I was so excited and so calm at the same time.. Eric said he was the same way.  We couldnt wait to be married.. Yes we had a awesome wedding and rehearsal dinner thanks to our families.  However we didnt concentrate on the wedding.. we focused on the marriage.  We wanted a great marriage on firm foundation.

I loved our wedding.. I have many pictures of it on my facebook page.. You can check them out.  I love to look at our wedding book.. I love to remember the wonderful day it was.  Even more then that I LOVE being married to my best friend.. I Love the relationship we have.. I love the Life we have build thus far.

Every year as our anniversary comes we celebrate and reflect our wedding day but all the years in between as well..

I am so thankful the Lord blessed me with such an awesome husband that loves me so deeply and loves our family.  He loves the Lord with all his heart and leads our family as an awesome example of a godly man/husband/father/pastor.

Forgiveness

about an hour ago I sent abby to her room for time out because she was talking real mean to me..
 She was in 4 mins.. and came out we talked about it and an she went..

well she just came in and said mommy can i tell you something.. I said sure.. She said I am really sorry for earlier and how i talked to you.. I said oh its ok I love you gave her a hug and a kiss..  She said but mommy do you forgive me.. I said of course I always forgive you...  I love you no matter what!  She smiled and said Thank you mommy I love you..

That is how our heavenly Father is..
When we say we are sorry and ask for forgiveness of sins.. He forgives us..
No matter what crazy thing I do I can always go to Him my Father..
Sometimes it is harder to forgive ourselves.
Thank you Father for your Forgiveness.  Thank you for your love.

Married Life

My Husband has been out of town on business.  He doesnt go out of town often, but it has increased over the last year.  I HATE when he is gone.  Don't get me wrong. I am thankful he has a wonderful job, and I dont want him to change jobs.  I know this is part of him providing for our family.  I just dont like no I HATE when he isnt here.

When we got married two became one, and when He isnt here I feel like 1/2 of myself isnt here.  I keep myself busy with taking care of our kids and church stuff.  It is always in the back of my mind my home is not complete. Even during the day when he would normally be at work I miss him even more then normal..

Maybe this is a little weird, or maybe I am to clingy, but I dont care Eric is my husband and He is my best friend.  I am so thankful that the Lord made him for me and me for him.. Eric and I have been married almost 5 years(i will post "our Story" soon), and I am more in love with him then the day I married him.  I think it is an awesome thing that after FIVE years I still want to see him every day! haha..

I am so blessed at the Man of God he is.. He leads our family with Love, Dignity, Loyalty, and gentleness... and many more things...

Thank you Lord for the gift of marriage, and thank you for an awesome husband who loves me and our girls with all his heart!

Maddie's Story

Abby's birth was so stressful I wasnt sure if I wanted more children.. Let me rephrase that I wanted more kids.. I just didnt know if I wanted to be the one to have more children..  Eric talked me in to having one more.. I was really scared to "have" another one... However I wanted another baby...  We decided we would have one more and if I had Preeclamsia again this would be it..

I had a great pregnancy with Maddie at the beginning..  All I wanted to eat was salads and fruit.. I went the first 5 months with only gaining 7 lbs or so... I think I only gained 20 or 25 lbs with Maddie.. (with abby I ate everything and lots and lots of Cold stone Ice cream) .   Maddie's Due date was Febuary 8th... (one day after Abby's bday)  

During this pregnancy they watched me very closely and I kept close track of my Blood pressure at home.. Early on in my pregnancy I had some bleeding.. The Drs said not to pick up Abby anymore.. That was HARD.. 

As my pregnancy progressed my Blood pressure was slowly increasing.. I would go in for DR's visits and my BP was high and then they would lay me on my left side and take it again and it was normal.. I would be at home and have high blood pressure then get to the Hospital and it be normal.. (they said that is normal in the beginning stages of preeclamsia) We made it through christmas and my head was starting to hurt more often (a sign of preeclamsia) 

At one point they send me home on bed rest.. Not only bed rest but I had to lay on my left side all the time.. That was miserable!!!!  I was in so much pain on my left side from laying on it so much..

I was like that 5 days (i think),  Then my head started to hurt really bad.. I called the DR after 24 hours of a non stop head ache .. Dr Brown was on call.. She is the Dr that Delivered Abby..  She knows who I am and said why did you wait to long to call.. Oops.. Well i went in and she admitted me.  She said you know the drill you will be here till the baby is born..

So started our hospital stay until madelyn was ready to come out.. I made it farther then I did with abby so I didnt need steroids shots.. I was in my 34th week when I went into the hospital.. One day I started vomiting and having head aches both symptoms of Preeclamsia.  So Dr DIll.  The Dr that was on call when I went in the hospital with abby was on Call that night to deliver Maddie..

Dr. Dill said will you are going to have a baby tonight..  I looked at her and asked with tears in my eyes will the baby be ok?  She assured me she would be fine and probably not even need the NICU.  Feeling at peace I was happy and ready to have Maddie..  

When we were in the OR I couldnt help but notice the mood was so much lighter then when I had abby..  They turned music on they let us take pictures during the birth. (things they didnt do last time). Eric was there taking care of me as always. He was chatting with me and we were laughing and ready to see our baby..  The Dr. said when I take her out I will pass her to the nurses have her cleaned and then you can hold your baby girl.. I didnt even think about that.. I wasnt able to hold abby so I assumed the same would happen with Maddie.. I said you mean I get to hold her first.. She said yes!  I was so excited!  This time I would get to hold her first!  I would be able to get a picture with her in my arms in the OR.. Pictures I see many moms have I was always a little envious.

she came out praising the Lord..

When Eric met me in the recovery room He said Maddie was going to be taken to the NICU because she was breathing funny but it was nothing to worry about..  So we went about the rest of our night I had to be taken to my room and he came with me.. I dont remember to much about the rest of that night. I was on a lot of drugs..  

I was able to go see maddie the next morning and got to hold her more..

I would go down and feed maddie in the NICU every 3 hours.. I would stay and hold her as long as i could.  When the pain from the c section was to much I would go back to my room...  I was being examined by my nurse and she said arent you in pain.. I said yes why.. She said because you get up and go every three hours to see your baby.. You are walking all over this hospital.  Every lady up here says how bad it hurts and wont get up to go to the bathroom and you are walking everywhere..  

I looked at her and said oh yes it hurts that bad.. However I have a baby in NICU and if I dont get up and walk I dont see her.. So I suck it up and get up and walk..   The thought never crossed my mind I should stay in bed...

Maddie did exceptional in every way in the NICU except for eating.. So they said...  A nurse made a mistake and said she had to eat more then she did.. and every nurse after her followed her instructions.. to where a 9 days later she was still in the NICU..

I was doing better after this pregnancy then the last.  My BP was going down naturally without meds.. I was on track to be released on day 3.  Maddie however was still having to stay in the hospital..

Eric was still staying most every night just like he did with Abby.. I kept trying to get him to go home but he stayed anyways.. I wanted him to go home so he could rest.. However I was happy he chose to stay with me every night..  When he isnt with me I always feel a little lost.

I had to leave the hospital again without a baby!  Every day I would hope and pray she would come home and every day I would get more and more depressed that she had to stay..  I felt so torn.. I needed to spend time with abby because I was in the hospital for so long and she was craving my attention.  I also had a newborn in the NICU that needed to be held and let her know I was there..  So everyday my mom or dad (eric was at work) Would drive me (cause I wasnt cleared to drive) to tampa and stay there with me and watch abby in a waiting room.  We would be there for 4 to 6 hours a day.. I would feed maddie love on her and when she was asleep come and see abby in the waiting room.  Then when Eric got off work we would come back so he could see her and then go home for the evening.. 

I was in a pitiful state every day finding out today wasnt the day she would come home.. I know I shouldnt complain there are so many people that have to wait months for their babies to come home..  I know I am blessed... However It was still hard!  

Once I found out the nurses had mixed up the orders for her food intake I was admit (with the encouragement of my Husband)  that Maddie be able to come home the next day...  The NeoDR Called every morning.. But on this particular morning I asked if She would be coming home today He said no maybe monday.. I said No I want her released tomorrow at the latest..  He wanted us to stay over night at the hospital in a regular room and make sure we could handle a premie.. I said ok If we need to I will do whatever..  WHen I got to the hospital with my husband that night I talked with the Dr in person.. I told him if he was requiring us to stay the night we would however I didnt feel we needed to.. I reminded him I had had a premature baby before and non of this was required.  I assured him I knew how to take care of a premie.. After all abby was even earlier then maddie..  He told me Yes well your last baby was really not born at 32 weeks.. she mental capability was that of a 37 week old..  This is where I saw how much more a Miracle abby really was.. 

I insisted she be able to come home the next morning. He finally agreed.  He said he would let her come home if I took her to her peds Dr monday morning.. I said sure anything.. I kinda felt like they didnt believe I was a good mother.. I didnt really care their thoughts about me I just wanted my baby home...

She was born on the 6th of january...on the 15th she was able to come home.. First place we took her?  To church.. My dad was having a surprise 50th birthday party and we all went. 

Abby seeing maddie without a window inbetween them for the 1st time...

a family of 4 finally able to go home...

God has been so good to us.. I just thank Him for our blessings!

31st Birthday...

We have been so busy with Christmas and our Christmas eve service.  I feel like this Christmas season has just flown by...  I turned 31 on December 21st.   My birthday was on a Wednesday this year so we had youth group...  Everyone was so busy I told everyone not to worry about my bday this year..

Eric and I got either other Furniture for our birthday's this year.... We have a new sectional couch and TV.  Happy Birthday to us!!

Eric took Abby to CVS to pick out my Birthday card on the 20th..  She picked out a disney princess card.. She got me Barbie stickers, sweet tarts, flowers and a pink Snuggie.  She was so excited she couldnt wait to give me my "presents".  She was so proud of her presents for me.. She brought out my flowers... then she brought out my stickers, then she brought out my candy... Then came a huge smile saying mommy look at this..... a snuggie... she was so happy and proud of herself.. just smiling and looking at my face to see if I LOVED IT... Of course I DID... She said Mommy to you love it.. I said Yes I love it all!! you are so good to me...  She then brought out my Card and she was so happy to give me princesses... She gave me what she would have wants... It wasnt a mommy card.. it was a generic princess card.. but the best card ever!! She picked it out and Loved giving it to me... I have never wanted a snuggie... however it was the best present I have ever gotten!  She was so happy she gave it to me....

The next day (my birthday) she said OH mommy it is Your bday  i will give you your presents.. I told her abby I think you gave me everything last night... Abby said oh I forgot.. Well mommy next year you have to wait till your bday to get all your presents.. lol I said Yes mam...

Even though we didnt go anywhere or do anything it was the best birthday..

And the best part was Abby said I saw a snuggie there just my size maybe you can get me that for my bday...

I Love being a mom...

Friends Forever....

I Loved my time at Lee University!  I met so many awesome people there.  My second roommate Christi was the best roommate I ever had.. No disrespect to my other roommates you all hold special places in my heart.  I just Loved living with my best friend!  We did everything together.. She met a girl in her psychology class named Liz.  She brought her over to the apt  a couple times and we all hung out.  However I would have said at the time she was more Christi's "friend".

The summer before I started my 3rd year at Lee I felt like I should call Liz.  I dont know why I called her to this day.. I dont eve know how I had her number.. I am so glad I called her.. We talked for hours.. and we talked a few more times over the summer.. Christi my best friend and roommate decided over the summer not to return to lee.  Even though I did NOT like her decision I supported her.  We have kept in touch and remained close to this day.. I love that my Lee experience included Christi Durham!

Since Liz and I had talked on and off over the summer we made plans to hang out once I got back to Lee (she lived there).  We hung out that first weekend I got back and every weekend (and many weekdays) after that(while at lee).   She and I have laughed so hard we have cried.  We have been there for each other when things got so hard we were crying out of desperation not joy.  I can not think of Lee without thinking of my best friend (besides Eric) Liz.  

Liz and I are both only children.  You would not think we would get along so well since we are used to getting our own way.. However We couldnt have gotten along better.  Up until that time I have never experienced such a friendship where I felt like a friend was just sooo in my corner no matter what.. I was also in hers.. and still am..

I moved to DC for my last semester and Liz and I talked all the time and she came to visit me.  We were going to move there together and be roommates..  I was going to get a job on the Hill and she was going to go to grad school there.  We even looked at apts.. At some point I felt like the Lord was telling me to go back home He had His plan for me there.. I was nervous to tell Liz.  We had all these plans..  She couldnt have been more supportive.. She said I needed to do what the Lord was telling me to do.. She didnt even act like she was disappointed.   She ended up going back to Atlanta to get her masters.. I ended up going home and a month or two later my dad had a heart attack.. He was looking for a youth pastor at the time and I stepped in temporarily. (i never left )  I eventually met Eric and the rest is history.
Liz was my maid of honor at my wedding.  Eric and I flew up when she graduated for her masters..
Liz has been the one in recent years to come visit us. I couldnt be more appreciative..  It is hard for me to get away with the kids being small.. Liz has pity on me and comes to visit..  We have a deal she comes to visit and we take her to amazing places to eat while she is here.

Even though we may not talk or text every day or maybe even at times every month, but we know we are there for each other no matter what.. We know we can pick up the phone and things are exactly the same.  We know who to call when we need a reality check or just someone to listen.

Sometimes the Lord gives you family you are born into.. I am so thankful for all of them! Love them dearly.  Sometimes the Lord gives you family through leading you to different places and being in different friendships.. Liz is my family and I am so thankful the Lord brought her to my family..

Our lives may look a lot different then when we met, but it is nice to know you still have a friend in your corner no matter what..